When I became a priest, I created something called the “Nearly Wed Game” to use when preparing couples for marriage. It was inspired by the Newlywed Game, a TV show I watched as a child with my grandmother. Newly wedded couples answered questions about each other, and inevitably, someone got an answer wrong, prompting an incredulous huff, a puff, or even a swat from their spouse. Fortunately, the “Nearly Wed Game” has proven far less contentious.
It’s based on the five love languages: words of affirmation, quality time, physical touch, acts of service, and gift giving. We all use these languages, but most of us have one or two we prefer. My primary love language is quality time, while my husband’s is words of affirmation. So, I must be intentional about verbally affirming him. Otherwise, I tend to express love in the way I prefer to receive it, which may not meet his deepest needs.
Here’s a question from the Nearly Wed Game: “I would most appreciate my fiancé: A, saying, ‘I’m proud of you’; B, taking a walk through Central Park with me; C, putting their arm around me at a party; D, helping me run errands; or E, picking up something for me while shopping.” Each answer represents a different love language. Pretty straightforward.
Of course, love languages aren’t limited to romantic relationships. My grandmother loved words of affirmation from our whole family, not just my grandfather. And some children are more physically affectionate than others. Think of someone you know, living or departed. Can you guess their preferred love language? If they’re still with us, consider showing them love in the language they most appreciate.
A few years ago, I learned that the person who developed the love languages framework, Baptist Pastor Dr. Gary Chapman, believes the love languages also apply to our relationship with God. So, here’s a different game: the “Love the Lord Your God Game.”
My God would most appreciate me: A, offering words of affirmation through worship and praise; B, spending quality time with God in prayer; C, expressing physical touch through the sacraments of Baptism and Eucharist; D, serving God by helping those in need; or E, giving to God by pledging a portion of my income to the church. What’s the answer? All of the above!
Let’s try another. My God would most appreciate me: A, sharing the good news of God’s grace in my life; B, spending time in personal devotion and Bible study; C, participating physically in worship through standing, kneeling, and bowing; D, volunteering at church; or E, contributing to the Keep It Cool campaign for a new air conditioning system in the church. Again, all of the above!
The most important thing to know in this life is how dearly and deeply God loves you. The most important thing to do in this life is to love God back. Unlike us, God doesn’t have one or two preferred love languages. God calls us to express our love in every way. In so doing, we become more like Jesus, the one who loved us gave himself for us.
Walk in love.
Adrian+